Woke vegans working with an unknown source have developed a plant based virus that if contracted will make you sick if you eat meat of any kind. Reportedly developed in a secret government lab just outside Timmins and dubbed the “Anything with a face” virus, it causes dramatic weight loss around the Molson Muscle region, irregular bowel movements, eventual loss of patriotism and a desire to drive to Ottawa. Oh, and death, it causes death too.
The only defense against this Satan sourced virus is natural immunity that spikes when the victim hears horns from large trucks. It has also been reported that the MLV vaccine, that has been used to fight bovine rotavirus, is effective when used with certain craft brews. Information on that can be obtained with a donation to Pierre Poilievre's campaign for PM. This vaccine has not been tested on human subjects but it's probably safer than the 'rona death shot the liberals are forcing everyone to take against their freedom.
In order to infect the largest number of meat eaters as quickly as possible it's suspected that vegan operatives, working with socialist unionized tree planters/huggers from BC, gain access to air-conditioning systems in places like bus stations, bowling alleys, hockey arenas, unlicensed BBQ bar and grills, as well as truck stops. It's a well known fact vegans hate meat, freedom and sports so that makes perfect sense.
“What am I supposed to do?” Asks a distraught cowboy hat festooned cattle rancher in downtown Calgary. “Take off my truck nuts and hang a couple of broccoli florets?”
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